Mind Over Matter

I came across the following letter I wrote to a loved one back in 2012, three years after I started down this long road of recovery. The path of sobriety is close to my heart, and when I re-read this letter, it tastes just as strong as it did the day I held onto its truths written within.

4/11/12
If you have a breath, you have a responsibility to use it for whom you serve.  Make every moment count towards the goal of who you want to be... and before you know it, that's who you are.  Living life in addiction changes you and makes you believe lies like, "This makes me a better person/ driver/ thinker/ lover etc." Kill that.  When we recognize real... we recognize that lie, and we do something about it.  We move forward... because even if you fall back, time is still passing by.  So you're ultimately moving toward a destination whether we like it or not.  It's just a matter of if you're moving for the better or for the worse.  Because nothing stays the same other than God himself.  Every step you take, breath you take, and decision you make will push you one way or another.  But even at the end of the wrong road, God is faithful and able to save.  He did it for me, he will do it for you.  His unchanging nature is comforting to any soul, especially one in withdraw.  Stand firm in the Lord by actively trusting in His great strength and power.  Fight lies with scripture... "I can do all things, through Christ who strengthens me."  And know that He is worth it, He keeps His word and He loves you enough to prove it, with the holes in His hands.  You don't have to worry about the details right now.  Let Christ clean it up, one piece at a time.  Just focus on what He wants from you right now... with this next breath. Stay strong.

It used to seem like there were plenty of time to grow up later. Like the life I wanted in the end would be there waiting for me when I decided to settle down. YOLO, right? I wish I knew then what I know now. There is never enough time.

I believe there is life after death. I believe we do not only live once, and one day there will need to be an account given for the way we lived this side of eternity.  Thanks be to God, when He looks at me on that day He will see Christ's grace instead... He promised mercy because Jesus took my penalty on that cross.  Through Him we are forgiven and told to go and sin no more.  In churchy words, repent.  

I've heard insinuations that basically I'm not worthy to call myself a Christian because of my past. That I'm a hypocrite because now I'm against things I once lived for.  That would only be true if I continued to live in the way I speak against.  Repentance on the other hand, is doing a complete 180. It's turning around and going the other direction. That's what I did back on June 9th, 2009.  No one can love Him more than the one who has been forgiven much!  

If you're going through it, perhaps the way I did, know that God is alive! His heart is near the broken hearted. He wants nothing more than for His people to turn away from the muck and lift their eyes to Him.  He is worth taking steps to move towards, because He first loved us, in all our dirt.  He will help you too if you invite Him.

Have you experienced His mercy? Do you want to know Him? What shackles has he freed you from? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below.  Take care, and God bless!

Traci Ann


The Featured Music today is a throw back... The rap song I played on repeat back on 6/8/09; barely able to breathe, literally, pushing on my chest to release the trapped air from my lungs. The song the Lord used to grip me harder than anything beyond the withdraw, the shaking, the headaches, the tears. The struggle is real. But so is God, and He is Mighty to Save.

Lecrae - Breathin' To Death: